Entry #5

Generic statement no. 347: You shouldn't bring your personal life to work with you.

Now, I understand what this statement means, but some people throw it around without actually ever thinking about what it really means so, I am going to explain what this gem of generally accepted workplace wisdom is all about.

First of all, the idea that you can somehow seperate parts of yourself and leave them on your kitchen counter before going to work everyday, is just stupid. Unless of course, you happen to have multiple personality disorder, which we all know has been proven, in the overwhelming majority of cases, to be a total farse. You are the sum of your life.

Second, the only people I ever hear espousing this drivel either a)have very little stress in their lives and lack the ability to put themselves in another persons shoes(shallow)or, b)are insecure and use this statement when comparing themselves to another because it makes them feel better about themselves and their shitty little life or, c) both, which is usually the case.

Third, If I spend the largest chunk of my time, every week, with my coworkers, what type of relationship should we have? I mean, is it more beneficial to the group that we see each other as comrades or as opponents? Competition amongst peers may be healthy for the business owner in the short term, but it is detrimental to the psychology of the group over the long haul because it decreases the overall level of job satisfaction by creating a feeling of isolation among it's members. So, if we should see each other as comrades then we should interact with each other as though we are friends and friends discuss their personal lives with each other and offer their support to one another. Isn't that what seperates your friends from your aquaintances? I mean, if the people I spend the most time with are not my friends, but instead my opponents, how am I supposed to feel happy about coming to work everyday?

Fourth, I am really sick and tired of the patriarchy telling me that my emotions are inappropriate or, my personal favorite, a weakness. If it weren't for the emotional nature of women, you, dear sirs, would have been left in your cribs to starve to death. I mean, do you think we really enjoy changing dirty diapers, cleaning up puke, being woken up in the middle of the night to feed you, getting stretch marks, having saggy breasts, going through hours of pain just to bring you into this world and not to mention, sacrificing our desires in an effort to help you make your way through this thing called life? Do you? Well, just in case you are confused, let me clear it up for you... WE DO NOT ENJOY ANY OF THESE THINGS. We do them because we are motivated by the purest of emotions and it's called, love so, the next time you start yapping about how emotional women are, just remember, no matter how you slice it, it is the reason you are here.

Okay, so now that I have explained what that statement does not mean, I will now explain what I think it does mean.

First, nobody wants to be the target of misdirected frustration so, if you don't want to talk about what is really bothering you, don't expect any sympathy when you lash out at your coworkers over inconsequential crap.

Second, you feeling powerless in your personal life is no reason for you to order your coworkers around like some kind of dictator.

Third, coming to work fucked up on drugs because you can't deal with your life is lame. If you are not willing to at least try to help yourself, why should anyone else help you? Getting fucked up all the time so you can live in a fantasy isn't helping you at all.

Fourth, expecting other people to pick up your slack all the time is even more lame. You know, that person that's always calling out sick and they're not really sick. There is no I in TEAM asshole, which means that you have to contribute something, at least some of the time. Conversely, it also means that your coworkers should be willing to help you out when you are down.

Fifth, just because you're a spoiled brat at home, it doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to cater to your every whim so, stop trying to be the center of attention all the time by creating a drama where none existed. I realize that this topic is a slippery slope, but I think we have all known the person that is suddenly teary eyed because their check engine light is on just when another coworker has had a death in the family and everyone is offering their sympathy to them. Get a grip, the world does not always have to revolve around you.

Sixth, if you think acting like a know-it-all is covering up your insecurities, think again because it's not. You're just getting on everyone's nerves because you keep trying to hog all the credit.

Seventh, kissing the boss's ass makes everyone else think you're only out for yourself so, they won't trust you and they won't like you. Following the rules and trying to do a good job is not the same thing as being a kiss ass either. Sucking up involves handing out insincere compliments, always agreeing and telling on your coworkers for stupid crap.

Eighth, constantly pointing out to your coworkers and especially, the boss, what a good employee you are, does not make it so. You are not a martyr or a saint so, stop trying to be one. Just do your job and shut the fuck up about it already. Your daddy doesn't work here, if you need adulation go home and sit on his lap.